a guy at school today was wearing this damn fine red nail polish and I heard these two girls whispering angrily and looking in his direction so I listened in expecting them to be weird about it and the first thing I hear is “how the HELL did he get it so good did he get it professionally done or something you need to ask him where he found that colour jesus fucking christ are you KIDDING me”
I think this is a good example of how the world should work.
IM A TEENAGER I WANNA BE DANGEROUS I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY I WANNA GO STEAL A TRAFFIC LIGHT
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WERE A LOT SMALLER
YOU THINK THAT’S BIG?? CHECK OUT THIS STOP SIGN I JUST GRABBED
STOP STEALING ROAD NAVIGATIONAL ESSENTIALS.
50,000 people on the Internet found my joke funny why aren’t you laughing mom
main goals when going to a friends house:
-don’t clog toilet
"Billy where is your homework?"
"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”
I didn’t get any cake yesterday cause apparently my dad was still working on it.
He brought it to school today and I’m just-
is all of that
wtf i think your dad just defied the law of physics and pastries
if my life was a drink it would be room temperature coke with the ice melted